i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
