So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
