I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fuck appropriateness.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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