I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
