alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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