I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
