alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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