I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
