after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
