My hair reeks of homosexuality.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
