when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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