The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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