i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
