That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
