i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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