Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't turn off my feet"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
