its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
