I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
