I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
