and next time when you feel me up, do it right
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
