I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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