walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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