K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
