There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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