the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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