And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
