You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
