I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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