the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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