I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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