This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
