We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
