Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
