Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
