I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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