This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
