There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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