wat bout pragnant strippers??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
