She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
