Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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