oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
