am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
