Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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