I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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