she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
