you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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