I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
