my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
