So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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