bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
