i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Slut skills are useful in every country.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
