she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
