please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
