Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
