Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
