if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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