Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need moral support for this bender
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
