I'm gonna have a badass scar
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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