someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
