Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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