we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
