That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
