Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
