MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
