you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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