I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
