my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
