The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
