I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
