Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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