just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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