all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
