my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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